There’s a type of person out there who will steal your energy and time by seeking approval.
The approval seeking leech is that person who, right after an event, will text you to see how it was.
And right before they need a recommendation for a job or interview, they’ll drop by your desk for five minutes to get validation.
They’ll suck the life right out of you when they are around for too long, leaving you feeling drained and exhausted.
You may scramble to get things done or take on tasks that aren’t yours because this person needs something from you now!
The need for validation could come from anywhere — a dominating parent who puts an immense amount of pressure on them, from bullying as a kid, or poor self-esteem.
Regardless of the reason, one thing remains constant: they’re never able to become self-sufficient.
If this sounds familiar, then read on for some tips on how to protect yourself from the “approval-seeking leech”.
Many of us seek approval from our peers as we aim to impress people in our field or in our social circles.
We all want to be liked by people we come into contact with.
It sounds obvious, but many people are afraid of saying the wrong thing or reacting in a way that makes them come across as “annoying, needy or weird.”
Because of this fear (or maybe it’s a subconscious need for approval) they change opinions left right and center to stay liked by everyone.
Thing is, approval seeking distracts you, making you less effective. It’s also unpleasant, because it forces you to worry about whether people like you.
Approval seeking is a kind of open loop: the harder you try, the worse it gets.
Consider these tips:
1. Recognize the signs of an approval seeking leech
Often, when we are in a difficult situation, we lean on others for help.
Sometimes this is the right thing to do, and sometimes it’s not.
The approval seeking leech will use your generosity as fuel for their ego and may not have any intention of reciprocating in kind.
The signs of being an approval-seeking leech include:
- Constantly asking others what they think about your decisions.
- Always seeking validation; feeling like you have to prove that you’re good enough.
- Inflexible; avoiding doing anything new because it seems better to stick with what has worked before.
It’s important to recognize these signs so that we can stop relying on other people for happiness or reassurance.
2. Be mindful of your own needs and desires
Do you ever feel like your life is just one big juggling act?
You’re working hard to meet the demands of a challenging boss, managing all the household tasks, and still trying to find time for yourself.
It’s easy to get lost in your day-to-day routine and forget about what you need or want.
Sometimes, it seems like the only thing that matters is work, but this can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction with your career and personal life.
Try these tips:
- Make a list of what you need to do in order to accomplish your goals.
- Create a timeline for when you want these things completed, and break it down into smaller tasks
- Prioritize the most important tasks first so that they get done more quickly
- Give yourself rewards if you complete certain tasks early or on time
3. Don’t let them take up all your time, energy, or space in life
The approval seeking leech always wants, but never seems to reciprocate.
In fact, approval seeking leeches feeds off of negative emotions like resentment or anger.
So, how can we stop these types of people from taking over our lives?
In order to protect yourself from the toxic effects and consequences that come with interacting with these types of people, there are three strategies you can implement right away:
- Recognize that you are the only one who can take care of yourself.
- Take a break from social media, TV, and other distractions for periods of time to focus on your own needs.
- Spend time with people who have similar goals as you do or share your interests.
- Make sure you’re getting enough sleep every night- this will help with stress levels and also give you more energy during the day.
4. Set boundaries for yourself and others.
The purpose of boundaries is to preserve your own peace and mental energy.
Having boundaries allows you to draw a line around who you help and protect you from approval seeking leeches.
Set boundaries for what is acceptable behavior in relationships – if someone won’t respect these boundaries, then it’s not worth sticking around.
If you aren’t setting boundaries for yourself, others will set them for you. Ensure that they are the right boundaries.
The key is to be realistic in your definition of busy – and then create boundaries around that.
Here are some examples:
- Ask your supervisor for a clear description of the work before you say yes to anything extra.
- Automate what you can
- Delegate your tasks to yourself to limit the number of things you do at one time.
- Keep your personal phone calls to a minimum
- Limit yourself from doing things that are counterproductive to your work, like watching TV or checking Facebook.
Conclusion:
Approval seeking leeches are everywhere, sucking our time and energy as we try to please them. But it doesn’t have to be this way!
We’ve provided you with 4 tips for how to avoid this type of person in your life, but if one still seems unavoidable then it’s important to set boundaries with yourself and others when necessary.
Remember that people need other people’s attention too, so give it away generously, but not at the expense of neglecting yourselves or those who matter most.
Have you had an experience where someone has been like this? What did you do about it? Leave a comment below!
